Cricket came alive again in Perth. Sure, we won, and that was nice. But it was something else that injected new vigor.
Throughout the Indian test series the media has been embarrassingly fawning over Indian cricket captain Virat Kholi. Fox Sports coverage is like some weird temple to Kohli, chock full of animations in his honour, grovelling interviews and breathtaking are-kissing.
The weird thing about it is he isn’t that good. He’s got a limited offside game and is clearly vulnerable to the well-placed out-swinger. What’s really going on is that Australian cricket culture is looking for some new way to express itself now that being a hard-nosed prick has been taken away from us by the South African cheating scandal. That search appears to be lost mid Australia’s new surge of political correctness.
And that’s where Virat Kohli comes into his own. He is the complete opposite of the grovelling coverage. He is a cricketing villain, an epic wanker, chock full of himself but, equally, keenly aware of the impact of his image upon the match. His move to mid-on to sledge Tim Paine in the second innings was obviously strategic. It backfired with Paine batting the session but it was still a guy that was thinking on his feet and prepared to do what it took to get an edge.
The drama that followed was pretty muted given Paine has clearly been tasked with reviving Australian cricket via the route of being Mr Nice Guy. But it reminded us that cricket is a game of explosive intensity barely hidden under genteel demeanors. That’s its power. That used to be our power. Virat Kohli has reminded us that it is OK to have and strive for it.
So, hat’s off to Virat Kohli. Not because he is some mystical Hindu god fallen to earth to play cricket with wizened Irish misfits. On the contrary. I love Virat Kohli because he is so eminently hateable. A genuine Indian dickhead, arrogant beyond belief and good enough to make it stick. Exactly the kind of bloke that it is an absolute pleasure to beat the pants off. He reminds me of who we used to be and should aim to be again.
So fuck you very much, Virat Kohli. I’ll be watching the Boxing Day test thanks to you. Bring on another nasty green top.
