Links 11 August 2017

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  1. GunnamattaMEMBER

    AGL announces Victoria as site for $250 million white hot needle for the economy

    Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula is the preferred home for a national monument to economic stupidity, with Crib Point chosen to become the site of a $250 million facility to ‘test the outer limits of the pain horizon’ for Australian energy consumers.

    Unveiling its proposal, which would see the world’s largest gas exporter cement in an added on cost born by every last Australian residence and business using energy, in a nation which is making itself pay more for its own gas than anyone in export markets, spokesman WR Glibb-Verbiage said choosing Victoria made sense for a host of reasons.

    ‘It’s the most economically parlous state in Australia, which has completely priced itself out of doing anything productive apart from sustaining a population Ponzi, and some of the locals – who were told for a generation that gas was cleaner and cheaper – will scream that much louder as a result. For us that means there’s an extra margin just sitting on the plate. The state government will be that much more responsive to our need to not pay taxes in Australia or pay for the resource we are selling. It’s a win-win.’

    Scoffing at the suggestion that the economics of the proposal were shaky, Glibb-Verbiage spoke enthusiastically at what he saw as superb fundamentals.

    ‘Look, we take the gas coming out of the ground down the road for about $4.50 Gigajoule and we sell it back to the local market for $8-10 a Gigajoule. Its either that or we sell it to Japan or Korea, where they don’t really want it anyway, for $9 a Gigajoule, but that gets us out of a lot of shipping and could save us a lot contesting contract breakage fees as well. Throw in the fact that we can write off any investment in the facility over the entire gamut of operations in the energy retail sector, and the fact that currently we have the customer by the short and curlies as we poke people in the chest with a $12 Gigajoule fee structure, then I don’t think there is the slightest doubt it is not just viable but very attractive all round.’

    Victorian Premier Dan Spaniel said the project would see 22 permanent jobs created, plus more during the construction phase.

    ‘With a load of trucks looking at getting into the site during the building phase it is almost certain that a number of highly specialised traffic management consultants will be needed, and you could be pretty certain that the people driving lunches around and doing any remedial gardening would almost definitely be locals. Over the longer term it would be expected that cleaners and grounds maintenance facilities will come from domestic suppliers, and again the strength of the skill suites of local carparking concierges and traffic management types would have locals in the box seat too.’

    Spaniel noted that his government had been on the front foot in approaching the energy giant, and the extra effort had paid dividends in the face of stiff competition from Western Australia, Tasmania and the Northern Territory.

    ‘We went on the front foot. We went on the back foot. We went down crouching with both arms akimbo. We lay prostrate on the ground sobbing. We held our cheeks apart for easier access. And we kissed anything that looked kissable. Once we could see that the Federal Government was prepared to roast Australia economically in the name of global capital we thought the best approach was front up with a good array of basting sauces.’

    Federal Energy and Environment Minister Jock Falconio hailed the announcement as ’a Great step forward for Australians coming to terms with the energy environment of the future’ and would lay the basis for resources giants reaming Australians for generations to come.

    ‘This will take us to the outer limits of pain management. Companies will always be able to relieve pain at the margins but never letting go of the pliers on the privy parts. A tool to sort of bring about endless wailing with intermittent shrieks of pain but not have the client pass out. A customer base that thrashes impotently on the table in excruciation but never loses the smell of burning flesh or the sight of those ministering to its needs, while not being able to do much about it.’

    The AGL spokesman paid tribute to the Federal Government for creating ‘just the right’ settings to make this sort of investment work.

    ‘We do our homework and go into these types of projects with our eyes open. In Australia it has been obvious for some time that this is a government that cares not a jot about logic, economics, the future of its people, or how much pain its visits on the present. These guys are ramrod straight ideologues and they like inflicting pain. The nation is being flooded with immigrants and the Federal Government has trashed the manufacturing sector, the education sector, the public sector and real estate, and that’s before you start thinking about the debt load of ordinary Australians. We see the ongoing energy need sunk into Australia’s future as a key leverage point for accessing whatever there is available, and being pretty much the first port of call once the government of the future decides it needs to offer some relief to the public. Investing in a seat at that table is its own reward.’

    Morgan Stanley energy analyst Newt Kongwak said the announcement will underpin global sentiment about Australia’s policy commitment for a generation.

    ‘Nothing sends a signal to the marketplace like this. Nothing says ‘Come here and shove it in, as hard and as often as you like,’ and not many nations have the cojones to be that up front and so completely disregarding to the interests of their own people, and you have to admire that. Sure, it is only a gas terminal, but this is the world’s largest gas exporter at the moment and gas is the marginal electricity price setter for these people at the moment. You apply the same logic we are seeing here to any other economic sector, and it’s basically like telling a 400 pound gorilla to come and knee you in the national economic nuts. It’s just incredible. It’s a white hot needle into the eye of the national economic schlong. Australians will be telling their grandchildren about this.’

    The company is looking at a range of facility designs, with the favourite being modelled on a man on his knees prostrating himself with two large bulbous gas terminals separated by a 120 metre jagged blade which reaches into the sky, by Italian engineers Umberto Scapia and Ludovico Rammentarre. Planning approval is anticipated within a year and construction is expected to be completed by 2022.

  2. On Sky News I just saw an ad ranting against the SA bank tax. Lol.

    Threatening to pull investment out of SA! What “investment”? The banks will stop lending money to home buyers? lol

    • Observation:- Over the last few years there’s been a concerted effort among reinvented spivs (sponsored?) to get mum’s & dad’s into ‘can’t lose’ shorting volatility options, presumably to help hold it down……. Been crowded for a while now…….

      • The Traveling Wilbur

        Did you have anyone specific in mind here… or we’re you just careless with your comment’s wording?

      • Sorry mate, Not within. I’ve seen a lot of US spivs change systems over the years after they’ve worn out their welcome on their last idea. There’s been a theme of them now being ‘experts’ on options from quite a few who’ve changed tack. Also read a few articles alluding to a crowded theme of mums & dads shorting Vol Options. Evidence of reciprocal agreements to swap mailing lists to access the Aussie market that has been around for at least a year. Aussie ones aren’t well followed & if you go US, make sure you find a quality trainer – if you can….. I’m open to who to trust in that arena over there…..

      • The Traveling Wilbur

        Can’t help yourself can you? All from one comment on game theory as it applies to the ‘sharemarket meet global thermo-nuclear war’ phenomenon. But I bow to your superior abilities to infer the migration of butterflies from the fallen lint leftover from 6,000 year-old mummy wrappings.

        Impressive. Not. Moving on. TTFN.

      • Buggered if I know what I’ve missed! I thought you asked for an explanation for my previous comment. But Whatever Wilb if that’s the way you’re going to be.

  3. migtronixMEMBER

    “Amsterdam has been undergoing a property price boom in recent years, bringing costs back almost to the levels before the 2008 financial crisis. Prices in the Dutch city have risen nearly 22%.

    In large part, this has been due to a housing shortage that is expected to peak next year when demand outstrips supply in the Netherlands by an estimated 200,000 dwellings.”

    Where this shortage come from, millies leaving home? 🤔

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/aug/10/no-cooking-in-kitchen-disbelief-amsterdam-rental-flat-rules

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