Melbourne is the real life GTA

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Jacqui Felgate, Melbourne’s 3AW Radio host, often posts videos on Instagram of the latest armed robberies, home invasions, and crimes across Melbourne.

The stories are as regular as they are disturbing. They often involve masked teenagers carrying out assaults, burglaries, or carjackings, only to receive a light punishment and return to the community to commit more crimes.

A record 14,797 knives, swords, daggers, and machetes were seized in Victoria in 2024.

In response, Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan wasted millions of dollars on machete bins costing more than $300,000 apiece, where criminals could magically decide to become law-abiding citizens and dispose of their weapons.

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Yet another machete brawl broke out, this time at Flinders St Station, on Saturday evening.

You simply cannot allow your children (up to and including 25-year-olds out at night) lest they get chopped up like it’s Rwanda.

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Frontline staff at large retailers like Woolworths and Coles were required to wear body cameras in response to a sharp increase in retail crime and violence across Victoria.

Retail crime

Victorians now face sharp increases in insurance premiums amid the state’s nation-leading spike in car thefts and home invasions.

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Victoria now has the highest car-theft insurance bill in Australia. Car-theft insurance claims in Victoria rose 25% in the past year while falling in every other state. Victoria’s insurance bill hit $243 million — more than all other states combined.

Car thefts

Insurers say home break‑ins are rising in parallel because offenders often enter homes to steal car keys.

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Last year, residential burglaries were recorded as follows:

  • Victoria: 27,953
  • NSW: 18,136
  • Queensland: 24,771

On a city‑by‑city basis, Melbourne is expected to be the worst in the country.

Neighbourhood Watch says car thefts and break‑ins are “intertwined”.

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Insurers blame Victoria’s bail laws and repeat youth offending. Insurance Council CEO Andrew Hall says that criminals “chase the weakest link”.

Other states have cracked down on bail and seen double‑digit drops in car theft. However, Hall says that in Victoria, “too many offenders are released and just go back out and repeat and there is an incentive for them to do it”.

Youth offenders are heavily over-represented in the crimes, accounting for almost half of aggravated burglaries and more than a quarter of car thefts.

Melbourne residents should not have to barricade themselves in their homes and worry about being carjacked.

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Retail workers should not have to wear body cameras to feel safe on the job.

If law enforcement and the judicial system put in half as much effort as was spent enforcing pandemic lockdowns and mask-wearing, Melbourne’s crime wave would be eradicated.

The Victorian Labor Government has failed dismally in upholding law and order, let alone the state’s finances.

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About the author
Leith van Onselen is Chief Economist at the MB Fund and MB Super. He is also a co-founder of MacroBusiness. Leith has previously worked at the Australian Treasury, Victorian Treasury and Goldman Sachs.
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