The difficult decisions made by Lord Charlton and Lady Pharcus on behalf of the poor of Parramatta are as heartrending as they are perplexing.
Some days, Parramatta records smog as bad as Beijing. Yet the Bellevue Hill and Palm Beach villas of the Lord and Lady offer some of the freshest Pacific air anywhere.
Lord Charlton and her Ladyship have been working feverishly on a plan to bring fresh Pacific air to the choking Parramatta residents.
There have been fits and starts in the endeavour.
The original plan was to bottle Bellevue Hill and Palm Beach air and sell it at the discounted rate of $120 per litre in Parramatta.
However, it was abandoned after several setbacks.
First, action groups in Palm Beach and Bellevue Hill formed to object at Council to the theft and importation of their air westwards.
Then, more serious difficulties came to light within project testing itself.
Parramatta denizens imported to the Palm Beach testing facility for scientific analysis showed no measurable benefit from the eastern breezes:
More challenging still, the testing process has recorded at least one fatality, somewhat inexplicably from accidental drowning:
The unexplained fall and resultant paraplegia of a Parramatta man out of Bellevue Hill window was the final straw, and the bottling plan was abandoned.
Undeterred and driven by an admirable sense of noblesse oblige, Lord Charlton and Lady Pharcus resorted to a well-considered Plan B.
An archology-style dome has been installed over their Parramatta penthouse, and the orb is filled with Eastern air:
The dome is said to be of Lady Pharcus’s own design and channels fresh sea breezes through an underground pipe attached to Sydney’s world-beating deep sea outflow system.
Although the dome so far only covers Lord Charlton’ and Lady Pharcus’ Parramatta palace, there is a second stage in planning to expand the diameter of the dome to encompass the entire Parramatta electorate.
The only roadblock is a skills shortage of three million oxygen-bearing migrant workers.
