In the long history of Western war propaganda, geometry plays a crucial role. If one is going to fight a war, one needs an evil shape to rage against, as well as to imply the conflict is rational and scientific.
In the twentieth century, the favoured shapes were axes, arcs and oblongs:
- We prevailed against the “Axis Powers” in WW2.
- We prevailed against the “Domino Theory” in the Cold War.
- We prevailed against the “Axis of Evil” and the “Arc of Instability” in the War on Terror.
So, when Scotty from Marketing sat down to think through the most crucial moment of his prime ministership – what to brand the invasion of Ukraine – his instincts took him immediately to these malevolent shapes.
And rightly so. What good and holy works have ever come from an arc, an axis, or an oblong?
Good works are described by the shapes of triangles and trinities, crosses (no, not iron ones, crucification ones) and circles!
So, Scotty from Marketing had a natural menu of forms to choose from, and this morning he has released the result:
Scott Morrison will warn an “arc of autocracy” is threatening the global world order as he unveils plans to build a $10bn nuclear submarine base on the east coast of Australia.
The Prime Minister will use a speech to the Lowy Institute to reveal the government has identified Newcastle, Port Kembla and Port of Brisbane as potential locations for the first new major defence base built in Australia since the Robertson Barracks in Darwin in the 1990s.
He will accuse Russia and China of aligning to try and reshape the international order to create a “transactional world, devoid of principle, accountability and transparency”.
“A new arc of autocracy is instinctively aligning to challenge and reset the world order in their own image,” Mr Morrison will say.
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine will likely be a “bloody and protracted conflict” with the strategic consequences to “inevitably stretch to the Indo-Pacific”.
“This is not a world we want for us, our neighbours or our region. It’s certainly not a world we want for our children,” he will say.
“Our rules-based international order, built upon the principles and values that guide our own nation, has for decades supported peace and stability, and allowed sovereign nations to pursue their interests free from coercion. This is now under assault.”
Mr Morrison’s description of an “arc of autocracy” is reminiscent of former US president George W. Bush calling Iran, North Korea and Iraq an “axis of evil” in 2002 as the threat of terrorism reshaped geopolitics.
Evoking his controversial “negative globalism” speech delivered in 2019, Mr Morrison will on Monday say global institutions have facilitated the autocratic assault on the world order.
“The well-motivated altruistic ambition of our international institutions has opened the door to this threat,” he says.
“Just as our open markets and liberal democracies have enabled hostile influence and interference to penetrate into our own societies and economies. The hope that such inclusion and accommodation would lead to some reform or moderation of these regimes or assist us in tackling the big global economic and environmental challenges, has been disappointed.”
Woah! I’m lost for a minute. Which side is Australia joining given a “transactional world, devoid of principle, accountability and transparency” is the best description of Morrison’s Australia I’ve ever heard. Not to mention the trashing of multilateral institutions, the environment and liberalism that has given the “Arc of Autocracy” a foothold in the first place.
But I digress, Australia is not going to join any evil “arc” or “axis”. We join “allies.”
However, there is a problem. The “arc” is as much physical as it is conceptual. Any “arc of evil” needs to describe the geographic shape of the threat not just its intellectual connections. In the War on Terror, the “Arc of Instability” ran from SE Asia, across Australia’s top, and into Micronesia. This fitted the map beautifully, as well as neatly blowing the dog whistle in hinting at the crescent moon of Islam. Nice work that!
You can see the problem when the “arc” is applied to the Russia/China axis:
There’s just no “arc” there to speak of.
Obviously, it would have been better to use the “axis of autocracy” but that comes with several more problems. Russia and China were “allies” not “axis” powers in WW2 and we wouldn’t want to confuse anyone.
“Axis” was also recently ruined by infamous idiot George W. Bush so that’s out.
So, I ask you, why not the good old domino? What’s wrong with an evil oblong? It fits better than an “arc”:
Granted, it does take in the middle east and stans but they’ve got it coming. Moreover, it brings the evil closer to home because we all know that once the first domino topples it is all over for the rest.
My suggestion, then, is the “Oblong of Ordure”. Alliteration is also important to underline that this is no ordinary threat.
If that doesn’t satisfy then let’s explore the geometric universe more widely. There are some more creative options that also tick off the prerequisites:
- Inherently evil shape.
- Geographic accuracy.
- Imminent threat.
For instance the “Rhombus of Wrong”:
The “Trapezium of Terror”:
The “Parallelogram of Predjudice”. That would get the Millennials signing up in droves!
And, if you really want to invoke the end of times spirit then you can’t go past a good polygon. Sadly, The Pentagon is taken. But the “Hexagon of Horror” is a Bobby Dazzler:
Or the “Odious Octagon” (though it lacks the all-important “of” and you might get sued by the UFC).
If you’re worried about the recruitment of women and don’t want to miss the opportunity to tap into a bit of Warnie sentiment then you could go for the “Heart of Harm”:
Obviously, I’m an amateur at this and am no match for Scotty from Marketing. The point is, we can all be reassured that he’s got his priorities right.
You don’t win the war for freedom with readily available weapons or sanctions, cyber bulwarks, economic resilience and a thriving industrial base.
You win it with a good brand and “Arc of Autocracy” will doubtless prove as enduring as “where the bloody hell are you?”
