Mirabile dictu: Peter Dutton has the virus

In terrific news for the nation:

Nothing personal Pete, but now we’ll see some border closures and lockdowns.


David Llewellyn-Smith
Latest posts by David Llewellyn-Smith (see all)


  1. TailorTrashMEMBER

    II Duce Dutto …what a tragedy ……..call out the blackshirts ……close the fcuking borders ……martial law ….Let the fun begin …..

  2. ErmingtonPlumbingMEMBER

    No Fking Way!
    I know Im terrible but this is fking awesome!

    BTW my mate and his boy have been given the All clear.
    Corona virus free,…for now.

  3. So if this virus is man-made (very possible) and it takes out a world leader or two (also very possible), does that qualify as China technically bumping off a Western politician?

  4. SnappedUpSavvyMEMBER


    Suck it Sith Lord, only 3 weeks ago it was no fckn threat hey

      • SnappedUpSavvyMEMBER

        When I get it I won’t be quite so homicidal towards Sith lord Dutton or SmoCo, cos grand master chunt Morrison has it for sure, and mega chunt gave it to him, it’s too good

  5. Close all borders NOW. Quarantine every one and schools NOW. We don’t want to be like Italy and totally overwhelmed within our hospital systems and triaging like it’s WW2 in 18-21 days! DO IT ( in my Arnold Schwartenegger voice)

  6. greedypuppyMEMBER

    So scomo who attended the same Cabinet meeting with Dutton met with all state premiers and all state chief health officers today – will all be self isolated.

  7. Reverse Transcriptase

    So Doctors are getting tested when they have symptoms (as per hospital instructions) and it is taking 3-5 days to get a result and this scum gets his fast tracked in 1 day????

  8. Dutton had a sore throat and a fever, I have a sore throat but no fever. Qld health chick on the news reckons I won’t get tested unless I have a fever as well even if I’m crook as. Testing temps regurlary for 24 hours now and all normal but sore throat and malaise worse but not enough to stop me working if we weren’t in a pandemic. Do I keep going to work (casual who will lose job if I call in sick)?

    • Ronin8317MEMBER

      Have you been to the US lately? Iran? South Korea? Italy? China? Or been in contact with anyone who has been?

      Tested positive or not, the only medication you’ll get is panadol until you collapse and can’t breathe.

      • 50% of the workers in my workplace are “New Australians” and I have no idea where they’ve been as they don’t speak English, to be fair anyone could be patient zero in my warehouse. I’ve been only going to work and also the shops, but very rarely, since January as I was paranoid about a pandemic. We have hand sanitiser everywhere and wear gloves but that’s not gnna stop a workplace outbreak. I literally cannot get tested as I have no fever and I need to work to fund my landlords IP mortgage. I’m not really that concerned about being sick or infecting all the jimmy grants at work, more highlighting the ridiculousness.

    • Go have a face to face meeting with your states health minster and ask them. Make sure you ask lot’s of questions, preferably taking more than 15 minutes and stand very close, or at least cough across their desk. Forcefully.

    • reusachtigeMEMBER

      Of course you do. You go and go and go until told not to. You have profits to make. Don’t “do the right thing” and be poor. What idiot would do that. Go!

      • Yeah……nah. You don’t show up, you go to the bottom of the call up list. This is the farce that is “permanent placement labourhire”. There’s a slim chance that whoever replaces you isn’t as good as you and they want you back when you’re back to full health, but that’s a very slim chance considering these jobs when advertised get over 1000 applicants who are fully (if not over-) qualified.

        To be clear, only have sore throat and feel slightly less than full health, could be anything. If I had sick leave I’d take it. If I could get tested I would. That’s how ludicrous Australia is these days.

        • Good luck! I had a slight cold last week which was also just a sore throat and malaise. So there’s a lot of that going around. I’m sorry you can’t take time off though. The olds got out of the GC this arvo, I think they were very happy to leave. They had to accompany my aunt to a hospital procedure in Brisbane this morning though. They wore glasses for eye protection and masks. They were the only people doing that. Hospitalstaff informed them that as they were obviously ill they had to wait in the car park and not with my aunt during her procedure. My parents didn’t bother explaining they were healthy and were just taking precautions. They didn’t buy more wine but they bought the cousins they we’re staying with toilet paper, and also for my aunt and uncle. Apparently none of them had been stocking up on anything.

  9. Mrs Nut and I were up the club embracing the virus and a few schooies and l read out the news feed, we looked at each other burst out laughing and said ‘could happen to a nicer cvnt’. Then on the way home we swung by the local IGA and snavelled the last 24 pack of bog rolls. Beers, Dutton’s got CoVid and a pack of bog rolls; trifecta of happiness.

  10. Now come on people

    How about you put down your toilet paper rolls, and use your brains just for a few seconds

    156 coronavirus cases in australia

    Just by chance

    includes dutton and tom hanks

    What are the odds that of the 25,000,000 people in the country, these two would somehow be infected?

    The odds of being infected for any individual would be 0.000621%
    1 in 160,256

    If someone had asked you what are the chances of hanks AND peter dutton being infected the odds would be 1 in 25681985536
    My calculator won’t perform that function to give you a percentage and I’ve had a few drinks, but its going to be 5/8ths of 5/8ths of fck all

    Don’t you think its more likely that there are hundreds of thousands or millions of people infected in Australia

    Don’t you think its more likely that the true mortality rate is <1%, as suggested by cruise ship and south korean data

    Don't you think its more likely that this really is just a bad flu

    • Ronin8317MEMBER

      It is 199 now. Will got over 200 tonight. It will double every two days, and by end of next week we will be over 1000. Another week after that we will hit 10k, our hospital will be overwhelmed, and people will start dying on the street.

      • Ok if its over 200 tonight, the chances would still be 1 in 125,000
        For both of them its 1 in 15625000000

        But if we get another politician or celebrity overnight, then oops the chances blow out to 1 in 1053125000000000

        • Coming, your logic is faulty. The Black Swan guy proves so. The correct question is what are the chances that 2 of the 200 people diagnosed with the virus are household names. No-one nominated Dutto and Gumpy as being the 2 household anmes until after they were diagnosed with the virus. It is a common mistake in scientific analysis where you get the results and then go looking for a regression line that fits those results.

          • The Traveling Wilbur

            Jesus. That’s the most patient explanation of bad maths in history. Well done sir.

        • Don’t use the Oz stats, they’re irrelevant, use the WHO ones. World Health Organisation says the mortality rate of COVID19 is 3.4%

          That’s about 850,000 dead Australians.

          Apparently 80% of us will be fine and only get flu symptoms. BUT if 20% of us are so ill we need to go to hospital, it will be utter chaos. There is no way our currently overburdened system can cope with 5 million people, of which 850,000 are going to die.

    • Bad flu or not ..there is reality out there that the communities in Oz, the economy in Oz and every thing else reacted to..your rant here change nothing in the real world out there

      • what’s my point?

        My point is that the virus is far more advanced than any of you acknowledge, and it can’t grow any further once 100% are infected
        and we are very close to that point already

        • Arthur Schopenhauer

          No. If it was the hospitals would over-flowing.
          You can reason with actual data from here:

          The testing in Oz is confirmed up to 7 days after the test. So that would put us at ~1800 cases if all cases reported late.

          2000 cases is when the curve rockets skyward.

          The disease has a long period before it gets critical. What the data suggests is there has been mass infection and over the next 14 days a large number (thousands) of people are going to present to hospitals.

          The government actions have ensured a tsunami of cases, rather than a king tide.

          This is the very worst possible outcome and entirely mathematically predictable, all due to the exceptionally poor handling of the crisis by the State and Federal Government.

          A boat doesn’t sink the moment it hits the iceberg. It takes a while for the hull to fill.

          • Woosh again

            The point is that there are far more infected people than reported

            Probably because hardly anyone gets tested

            Read the criteria that doctors use for testing
            You have to have been exposed to a known case, or returned from overseas

            If they tested every single person, the number of cases would be exponentially higher

          • Arthur Schopenhauer

            You are using stats. A pandemic is a complex system. You are using the wrong branch of math. Where is the measure of time in your reasoning? Infection propagation? Time to hospitalization? Time to potential death? Bed time occupation? Ventilator use time? There is a significant time from infection to potential death. If you added those elements you could argue on solid ground. You’d even have a tricky looking equation.

            ‘Woosh’ is a lazy argument. But you don’t have to work with math every day to work this out. Just look at the data from Europe with a cool 😎, I am the fvkn smartest guy on this forum kinda way, and map the dates and time frame onto our cases.

            If you can see what it is, rather than what you deep in your heart want it to be, you will see very large numbers with very large consequences.

            I’m totally with you. I’d like it to be just the flu, but it’s not. And it’s not because it’s about 77x more deadly than the flu. (If you use the available data and do the math.)

            I was tested today. I have symptoms.

            The GP carpark was full of people waiting to get tested. Some of them looked incredibly sick. The GPs were literally shell shocked. The clinic manager was shell shocked. Today they got a flood of people. There are no Vic Gov guidelines, there are no instructions on what people have to do while they wait for their result. The Doctor was so angry when she told me she was shaking. (She’s lovely and a smart cookie)

            Woosh qualifies you to be a Federal Minister. If you are going to argue a case, use the proper math and think like a grownup.

            Most of the deaths so far are in China. The death rate looks low because they did a brutally excellent job in flattening the curve. The Chinese leadership think over the long term.

            You are right that it is exploding in the general population, because in exponential equations massive growth happens over hours not weeks.

            Now the countdown has begun. The doctors at my GPS Surgery know. A friend who works at the Austin knows.

            Post again in 4 weeks. If you are right I’ll buy you a carton of beer.

          • Arthur Schopenhauer

            Was writing to the Federal Cabinet and coming. Rant over. 😷

            The beer offer only stands for coming 👍.

          • Remember that Tom Hanks and Peter Dutton, both have it, but aren’t sick.

            I have to agree with Coming on this one – much more are infected then the stats would suggest. There could be a lot of people out there with it that, like Peter Dutton and Tom Hanks aren’t really sick. Lots of people can function with a sore throat and feeling achy (or had a fever overnight or over a day and are back to work).

        • What exactly goes on in your head, Coming? Can you distill your thinking processes so the rest of us can transliterate it? I can’t tell whether you are a Zero Hedge comment bot or a malfunctioning Skippy with Lyme disease.

          Asking for a friend

          • Are you really this stupid ?

            Let me make it as clear as possible

            The total number of infected cases is massively understated

            Therefore the mortality RATE is massively overstated

            The rate being a function of deaths/known cases

            I can’t make it any simpler than this

          • Coming, you are not accounting for the 3 week delay between infection and death. Mortality rate is deaths now/no infections 3 weeks ago. Yep there may be 50% asymptomatic infections based off the cruise ship data. But there is 80% asymptomatic infections in influenza based on serology conversion.
            Current CFR ~3.5% mortality rate 1-2%. For influenza CFR is 0.1%, mortality rate is 0.01% CFR=case fatality rate. Untreated mortality rate is 2.5-5%, or up to 500 times more lethal than season influenza. Flu killed 1000 Australians last year out of 25 million. Thats a 1 in 25000 chance of dying per year. If you are less than 40 then you have a 1 in 500 chance of dying and a 50-70% chance of catching it.

        • No doubt the numbers are out by orders of magnitudes because plenty have it and don’t feel that sick. But they’re passing it on to loads of folk and 20% or thereabouts are in serious shite.

          Africa and India could look a bit emptier this time next year

        • Who is to know how many are infected right now? Probably not close to 100% as you suggest, but I get your point. Shit is about to get real and Scomo is in charge

    • Jesus mate, if you think the official figures are at all accurate, you must have rocks in your head.

      I am coordinating the COVID19 incident reporting for a large multi site public institution. Those 200-odd official infected must have a lot of friends if the high number of reports that we are getting of stakeholders being tested because they’ve been in contact with someone who has COVID19 is any indication.

      Word from a frontline health manager I spoke to today is that the they can’t keep up with the backlog of tests and many are being turned away because despite having all the symptoms, they don’t fit the criteria for known epidemiology which doesn’t account for unconfirmed cases in the community.

          • Haha, it does make me wonder how many other viruses go around the world each year but don’t have a funny name and all the media hype attached?

        • Was advised today that anyone 60+ with Covid19 won’t be treated in an ICU in NSW once the SHTF. Same criteria being used in northern Italy as well as anyone with a range of pre-existing conditions.
          Downside of limited hospital beds in our mass immigration ponzi scheme economy.

          • Well I read this – front to back.
            From what I make of it, that triage will determine whether you will survive or not and then give you a bed based on the outcome.. horse before the cart but anyway…page 30.

            • Blue (or black) category patients are those who should not receive critical care. Depending on their condition and medical issues, patients may either continue to have curative medical care on a ward or palliative care.
            • Red category patients have the highest priority for ICU admission and mechanical ventilation, if required. In selecting the patients for this category, the aim is to find those who are sick enough to require the resource and whose outcome will be poor if they do not receive it but are not so sick that they will not recover even if they do receive ICU care. Patients with single organ failure, particularly those with respiratory failure due to influenza who otherwise have a low SOFA score, are included in the red category assuming they have no exclusion criteria. These patients will derive the maximum benefit from ICU care and mechanical ventilation. The goal is to optimize the effectiveness of the triage protocol so that every patient who receives resources will survive. Although this is unlikely to be completely successful, it can be used as a target to guide modification of the triage protocol based on patient outcomes during a pandemic.”

            So a criterica for BLUE is 60 or over then?

          • Divya, you’re reading into it too much. Just let the man answer your question, “which hospital?”. If he can’t answer, then it’s BS.

    • I stopped reading halfway through, but if you’re saying Peter Dutton and Tom Hanks might actually be the same person, I’m totally down with that.

    • ApproachingZero

      Your calculation is based on the assumption that it had to be Tom Hanks and Peter Dutton. It could have been any two well-known people and you’d be claiming the same thing, yet the pool of well-known people on Earth is very large. It could be Mick Molloy and Dolly Parton, or Dermott Brereton and Alf from Home & Away.

      In addition, celebrities and politicians are statistically more likely to be flying, shaking more hands etc.

  11. This is amazing. Sh1t might make me buy a membership.

    Spent my day prepping our Work From Home plan for my office, after pipping up earlier this week that we where unprepared

  12. TailorTrashMEMBER

    Jeez …….it took something to push house prices off the front pages ……the writers at Domain are going to have to go into overdrive to keep the great Aussie debt levitation going ……………………… never been a better time to snap up a savvy bargain …….forget Corona …….maaaaate ……..Coogee garage …..$7 million …a steal

  13. This is terrible news. The virus has spread to potatoes?

    My heart goes out to the poor tiny brave little viruses that have been infected by this Dutton. Thoughts and prayers etc for them.

  14. in Italy,” the writer continues. “We were so complacent that even when people with coronavirus symptoms started turning up, we wrote each off as a nasty case of the flu. We kept the economy going, pointed fingers at China and urged tourists to keep travelling. And the majority of us told ourselves and each other: this isn’t so bad. We’re young, we’re fit, we’ll be fine even if we catch it.

    “Fast-forward two months, and we are drowning. Statistically speaking – judging by the curve in China – we are not even at the peak yet, but our fatality rate is at over six per cent, double the known global average.”


    When middle-aged men in power get sick, then it’s serious. Man flu ^10

  15. TailorTrashMEMBER

    My fellow Australians as your Prime minister I urge you to keep calm and carry on. Please go to your local Chinese restaurant ,go to the footy and go to your churches and pray ….because this virus has given us until Monday to get our sh1t in order . ….please be assured that we the government of Australia have this situation in full control and we are well equipped to deal with it . We are also are in constant contact with China to ensure that we have a bright future assured ….

    Your dear leader
    Scotty from marketing

  16. Surprising to see such immaturity and spitefulness from some of the commenters here.

    Whatever your opinion is on Dutton, he’s still a human being.

    I wonder if he did actually die of this you’d still stand by your playground-brained comments.

  17. According to the Deputy Chief Medical Officer, only people who were in close contact with Dutton in the 24 hours before he became symptomatic need to self isolate.

    Why only 24 hours? This seems to fly in the face of all the evidence to date.

    Let’s see how many more ministers are diagnosed with the old covid in the near future.

    • No Brian, it’s the same informed commentators but after years of seeing the rampant corruption in this country, many of us have become very cynical.
      This is just the locals blowing off steam in the face of the inevitable pandemic that will sweep Australia because of our miserably malformed governments failure to deal with it properly.
      If that makes us idiots in your eyes, I think we can live with it.

  18. I think Corona is an Avatar of God that is about to restore balance of justice on earth because it is attacking corrupt politicians like Peter Dutton,Justin Trudeau,Scott Morrison etc

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