From the AFR late yesterday:
Commonwealth Bank of Australia is believed to be the frontrunner as the new sponsor of the Ashes cricket series to be played in Australia in 2013-14, with another foreign financial services brand also understood to be vying for the iconic sponsorship rights.
CBA is currently the shirt sponsor and the series sponsor for the One Day International game in Australia, while brewer VB is the team sponsor for Australia’s overseas matches.
International specialist bank Investec is also believed to be vying for the Ashes sponsorship, with a decision expected in the coming weeks.
While it could be argued that any publicity is good publicity, my own view of the forthcoming Ashes tour and subsequent Australian series suggests that some sport analysis might be useful before committing to sponsoring the series. Australia is in danger of the worst Ashes thumping since the dark days of Alan Border’s youth. This, it seems to me, is not an especially auspicious branding opportunity for any business that bases its halo around winning. Investec especially might take pause.
Consider. Australia heads to England in July for a five test series in which they are going to be thumped. Probably 5-nil unless weather intervenes. Let’s compare the two line-ups. First batsmen:
Australian batsmen average: 39
- Ed Cowan: 33, David Warner: 44, Phil Hughes: 35 Michael Clarke: 52, Usman Kawaja: 29, Shane Watson: 37, Matthew Wade: 42
- Alistair Cook: 50, Andrew Strauss: 41, Jonathon Trott: 49, Kevin Pietersen: 49, Ian Bell: 47, Tim Bresnan: 31, Matt Prior: 43
That’s giving away an awful lot. Not to mention the combined test experience of England will be roughly one hundred times our kiddies. When your captain is named Pup then experience is lacking!
Now look at the spinners: Nathan Lion versus Graeme Swan. An end-holder versus the best tweaking weapon in the game. We probably have an edge in the pace bowling department but not by enough. Moreover, we can’t swing the ball, nor bat against it. Jimmy Anderson is going to destroy our front-leg plonking juniors.
So, my guess is we lose the Ashes tour 5-nil. Or four-nil if the weather beats England once.
And this is where it starts to get interesting for CBA and Investec. After we’ve been destroyed in England, it’s the return series in Australia that they will sponsor just a few short months later.
What are the national selectors going to do after a 5-nil drubbing of their now mentally-ill minors? Play the same eleven in straight-jackets?
It’s an unenviable choice. The selectors could swing the axe and play a second string eleven in the return series. And get hammered again. Or, they could condemn their neurotic charges to ever greater torment.
Either way, we’re staring down the barrel of an historic 10-nil Ashes apocalypse.
Don’t know what odds you’d get on that but I wouldn’t bet $100 billion against it.
P.S. Please forgive this detour but I am actually quite good at cricket and am deeply concerned for the future mental health of the current squad.
