The miracle of an inbred tomato

Via Domainfax:

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has publicly apologised to his estranged wife Natalie and their four daughters for the pain caused by his affair with a staffer, but has denied the relationship breached any ministerial rules.

Mr Joyce has also hit back at fresh allegations of misbehaviour at a 2011 awards night, hinting at potential legal action. He said the alleged incident “did not happen” and had been pedalled by his political enemies for years.

Former Liberal Leader John Robert Hewson says Barnaby Joyce’s future has been under question for quite some time, and this could be an opportunity to rein him in.

“It’s just in the past I don’t believe it dignified a response. But today it’s in the paper and as such I reserve all my legal rights as to what action I should pursue,” he said in a brief statement to reporters at Parliament House.

He said he was “deeply sorry” for the hurt his affair with former media adviser Vikki Campion had caused his family.

To me, the only eyebrow raising thing about this is that there are actually two shielas in this world that want to copulate with an inbred tomato.

Aside from that, I’m old school on this stuff. It’s private and should stay that way.

If Joyce gets the chop it should be because he’s useless, via The Sloan Delusion:

Let me run through some of the appalling policy positions he has pushed, to the detriment of the national interest and ordinary Australians:

• He supported re-regulation of the sugar industry in Queensland even though several hundreds of millions of dollars of public money was used to compensate farmers for the deregulation of the industry;

• He endorsed the building of the dubious, vastly expensive inland railway even though there has been insufficient scrutiny and cost-benefit analysis of the project;

• He equivocated about the building of a mine in his electorate while professing support for the resources industry more generally;

• He insisted the pesticides/agricultural chemicals regulatory agency be shifted from Canberra to his electorate even though the case was not established — an instance of pure pork-barrelling;

• The Murray-Darling Basin Plan is on the point of collapse but Joyce has been missing in action;

• He has been silent about alleged theft of irrigated water in the northern parts of the basin; and

• He takes credit for rising agricultural prices when answering questions in parliament, which is both witless and bizarre.

There are any number of other things wrong with the policy positions of the inbred tomato so let him go on those. Obsessing over pollies’ personal lives is just the flip-side of the void of real policy discussion.


  1. Who knows where else he spilled his tomato juice… Before you know it – you’ll have a crop of paddock tomatoes popping out everywhere. Tiny, little cherry tomatoes… awwwww~~~

  2. It’s private and should stay that way.

    If and only if he’s never politicised marriage (e.g. by campaigning on a particular definition of marriage) or extra marital sex (e.g. by linking policy on, say, contraceptives, to their encouraging such conduct).
    And also if there’s no possibility his new partner has benefited from Barnaby’s position in the government.

    But apart from that, he’s useless and a distraction, and should go.

  3. Barnaby Joyce.
    Is that the chick you lost your seat for?

    Man she is fine,

    join the dole line.

    (Apologies to Glenn Miller)

      • Well well why do sooooo manyyyyyy journalists (sorry far extreme left ones) have such short-term memories……what about the cosy extra marital affair between Garith Evans (our foreign minister at the time) and Cheryl Kerno (leader of the democrats) and all their family members who were traumatised! The affair was such a successful coup that Garith recruited Cheryl over to the
        Labor Party! Goodness me how convenient memories have become….this is truely pathetic and none of our business!

      • Maybe because the affair was 21 years ago everybody simply forgot?
        I’d pretty much forgotten Evans and Kernot had ever existed.

  4. I reckon the public has a right to know what type of people their elected officials are; now we know BeetRooter is a raging hypocrite, with a chronic deficiency in moral fibre and integrity.

  5. A lot more than two, apparently, despite him wearing terry-towelling fishing hats, oh-so trendy multi-coloured Canterbury sweatshirts and Dunlop KT-26’s out in public, persistently. Mind-control drugs?

  6. I read somewhere else that he is being called the Beetrooter.
    I think that has a nice ring to it.

    • the pertinent question is who is next?
      pal of chooks the qld premier recently separated from her partner, so methinks the inquisition is gathering a head of steam
      and about time
      where are all the trump critics????????/

      • For mine this highlights the very narrow selection of candidates for election thrown up by the Major parties.
        Ermington Plumber reckons it is possible to change the mojor parties from the inside.
        But have a look at the influence of most party members when it comes to preselection. They have no influence at all.
        The descions are made by unelected backroom operators for their own interests,

    • Keeping up appearances & potentially swaying votes before the by election is the real story here – sounds like corruption to me. But no, they just want to smoke screen it by waffling on about it being his personal life. Perhaps because the media was Complicit on keeping mum during that time……..?

  7. Didn’t he once have a go at being shadow finance minister and then given the boot for incompetence. The Murray Darling water arrangements are a combination of his hopelessness and dodgy extraction by some of the big water users on his watch, and he doesn’t care or understand about the bigger picture. So even ignoring his hypocrisy on matters that should be personal, he should have been booted out years ago for being useless as mentioned in the article above. But as we’ve seen repeatedly, being dumb is no impediment to being a NLP member and having a say in running this country (to the ground).

    • He’s only being kept around as breeding stock…

      Thank you, thank you! I’m here all week, try the buffet, but avoid the tomatoes and beetroot – I hear they cause pregnancy…

  8. The hypocrisy from this individual is just so shameful and disgusting. I feel sorry for his wife soon to be ex-wife and his daughters. He’s truly a POS.

      • He opposed Gardisil, an effective treatment for cervical cancer, because it would cause promiscuity. Praise the Lord.

      • Gonorrhoea super-superbugs up 3x in 6 months
        Result is a “warning shot across the bow” for doctors and public health officials, Australia’s early warning system reports
        Flu, what about the FLU.
        Praise the lord and pass the ammunition

  9. ”It’s private and should stay that way.”

    Normally, I’d agree, but it was only recently he was lecturing re: SSM. If you’re going to make public moral judgments, then it’s only fair moral judgment be passed against you if you turn out to be a hypocrite. Judge not, lest ye be judged and all that.

    Plus, if it were to turn out he created position/s for his lover, or public monies was spent on enabling them to cosy up to each other, then we have a right to know.

  10. If he abused parliamentary entitlements and parachuted his squeeze into a high paid position against the rules he should go.
    The provision of free housing smells to me – this is not about who he is rooting – it’s about possible fraud and corruption.

  11. Jumping jack flash

    “the only eyebrow raising thing about this is that there are actually two shielas in this world that want to copulate with an inbred tomato.”


  12. I may not be a fan of this policies by I think his private affairs are not much to apologise for.

    Marriages sometimes grow cold, he develops a new relationship, she gets pregnant – I don’t think that’s anything unusual or maybe even immoral. His wife may have known before, so we shouldn’t judge on this situation. There may be specific reasons why he or she didn’t get a formal divorce. We just don’t know that, and frankly speaking, I don’t want to know.

    It reminds me of a journalist’s interview with former French President Francois Mitterrand; the journalists mentions there were rumours about a mistress and extra-marital daughter. The President’s reply: … et alors ? ( … and so ?)

  13. Creating two jobs for your pregnant mistress when she is moved out of your office that did not exist prior, were not advertised and have not been filled since her leaving them stinks to high heaven.

    Add to that living rent free in the house of a man that has been lobbying you in the area of your ministerial responsibility and it moves to the ridiculous.

    He’s cooked but won’t go quietly in to the night. Turnbott can’t roll him, has to wait for the Nats party room to decide its an existential issue for them.

    • His affair with the lobbyst in exchange for inside information is even worse – Makes Dystari look positively benign – no choice here.

      • Though to be fair, use of the honey pot has been standard fare for the Chinese. Don’t know young Sam’s proclivities but it would have been there if he had shown any interest.

  14. I know people think sexual matters etc should be kept private, but it is a point of importance that all tomatoes are inbreeding. You have to manipulate them quite drastically if you want to mate them, it involves tweezers and good eyesight.

    • it involves tweezers and good eyesight.

      Sounds like a Saturday night at my house.

      Bum-tish! I’ll be here all week folks, try the veal.

  15. Its got nothing to do with his affair – its the fact he not once, not twice but three times handed her a job, which he failed to declare as his partner.

    Saying she was NOT his partner – is utter horse poo as we now know they have been living together for some time.

    He has failed to declare on his pecuniary interests the rent free accommodation he has received from a business man for whom he has done favours.

    It has now also come to light he was having another affair with a lobbyist whom he was sharing secrets with.

    Finally Gina purchased $100k raffle tickets for a slab of beer.

    Sorry – he has to go – there is absolutely no doubt now.

    • My guess is he will be gone before Turnbull gets on the plane – this thing is not going away, more picking up momentum like a boulder rolling down a hill.

      Lucky, lucky voters of Armidale – they get to have another do-over.

      • so how much did tony windsor know??
        this, to me, is an orchestrated plan
        we have now lowered the bar from say B Bishop and the helicopter, to who is rooting who, a more news worthy topic
        the swamp is emptying.

    • He’s from Queensland, the home of corruption (with WA following closely behind).

      Keating said he got the whiff of corruption every time he deplaned at Brisbane airport. Now you know what he meant.

      • He was born in Tamworth, went to school in Sydney, family live in NSW, holds a NSW seat but other than that … what is it with this thread, certainly bringing out the worst of stable and wiley.

      • He lived for a long time in St George, Queensland, where he had his own accountancy firm. He was elected as a Senator for Queensland at the 2004 federal election.

      • FiftiesFibroShack

        Damn right he is.

        1. Raging hypocrite
        2. Crooked and self-serving
        3. Uses religion to provide moral cover for prejudice

      • F>>>>>g the congregation/ electorate
        Ma this no tell trial cant come fast enough
        looks to me as though the media is warming up the cattle ticks for a disastrous outcome.

      • ”1. Raging hypocrite
        2. Crooked and self-serving
        3. Uses religion to provide moral cover for prejudice”

        Hmm, when you put it like that he sounds a little over-qualified to be in Parliament.

  16. Scalding proof that those who believed Barnaby would represent the Strayan people in a becoming manner have made a terrible mistake; it’s clear now he was a bad Joyce after all.

  17. Why is it ok to tear shreds off the man for his religion (Catholicism)* and yet if I mention the word !slam I get spam bot filtered? Seems a double-standard to me. If you insult !slam your comment gets flagged, but if you say anything naughty about the Catholics it’s all good?

    *FWIW I’m all for tearing religion apart, but why are we so sensitive over 1 religion more so than others?

  18. Bernard Keane was just as scathing as Sloan re Barnaby’s ministerial career in Crikey yesterday.

    So BJ has done well to unite the commentariat.

  19. It is private but it does show his character or lack thereof:
    – Lack of respect towards his wife and kids by sneaking around behind their back
    – Lack of good judgement and self will by giving in to basic temptations
    – Lack of wisdom by not realising the implication to his office
    – Lack of intelligence to see that he might be potentially being use by someone to climb the ladder
    – Lack of courage to face up to this sooner and deal with it responsibly
    – And just plain careless all round
    Not the qualities you want in a person to represent and lead the people of a country and help guide them through difficult times.

    • the no1 responsibility of any politician apart from staying alive, is to the electorate.
      they put their faith in him and the future he promised when they voted
      BJ is a real live example of where it has all gone wrong.
      Now as these moral vacuums sit at the top of the pyramid, those who are looking up for guidance and example are totally mislead.
      Flawse tells us in links, that this may be impossible to turn around,
      WW without wiping out a coupla generations.
      Any teacher will tell you, some students don’t respond to discipline
      they have to be expelled.

      • As the Catholic Church was fighting a family who refused to accept $55,000 compensation for each of their abused daughters, it purchased a Kew mansion for Archbishop Denis Hart now valued at $2.25 million.
        Three years later, the church also spent $872,000 on a beach house with bay views in Dromana for Archbishop Hart, which he now personally owns after buying it off the Archdiocese for $1.12 million in 2017.
        MELBOURNE:Ex-school principal charged with raping girls arrested. Malka Leifer, who is accused of faking mental illness to avoid extradition to Australia, arrested by Israeli police.

      • Three years later, the church also spent $872,000 on a beach house with bay views in Dromana for Archbishop Hart,

        Seems wasted on a bloke who can’t take a young appropriately aged person of his preferred gender down there for a dirty weekend.

      • @ Robert
        Did you miss the Royal Commission into Organisational child rape, starring the Catholic Church ?
        Clergy slip their collars time.

      • “the no1 responsibility of any politician apart from staying alive, is to the electorate”
        not sure where you got this idea from WW but it clearly isn’t true. The no 1 responsibility is to the party and it’s donors, then their career after politics, then screwing over the poor and disadvantaged, helping out corporate types, with the electorate a distant last.

  20. There are some things which might have been private or just noted but not subject of much comment in the press. For example a small article might note the separation of the Joyces and even that it was brought on by an office affair. It goes to character which is a relevant consideration in voting for a politican, especially one who promotes conservative family values.

    But there are many important matters that are very public about this and the mainstream media has greatly failed the public in this matter.

    1. Hypocrisy. The public is entilted to know when politicians say one thing (promote conservative family values) and do another (break their marriage vows to their wife by having an affair)
    2. Abuse public funding by having a staff member who has had a job created for them to assist in another political colleague keeping their mistress employed nearby. Canavan and Drum seem to have done this.
    3. Then there is the question of whether all public funded travel and other entitlements for the woman were really for public purposes or was it for the convenience of the affair?
    4. It is relevant to the code of conduct as to whether procuring jobs for partners in affairs or even keeping a partner in an affair in a job in your own office is ehtical, moral and covered by the code of conduct and this also goes to the question of whether she is or was Joyces partner and during what period of time and whether a person can have more than one partner.

    When a journalist like Niki Savva says she thinks a conservative politician is likely to be done for as she did on the Insiders it makes me sit up and take notice. She also indicated that she thinks a new round of FOI requests might be far more problematic for Joyce now that everyone knows what to look for and in exactly what period.

    We need a Federal ICAC.

    • And beet-rooter denying the need, and then having this come out in the wash is exactly why we need one.

  21. Regardless of what you say about him; the fact that an inbred tomato like him (albeit with money, “status” and “power”) managed to impregnate a female while said female knew that he was married, speaks volumes about the nature of women.

    Why is nothing being said about the woman that he knocked up? or is she as pure as driven snow and as innocent as a lamb.
    She knew exactly what she was getting into.

    • I thought that had already been covered
      Some say she got knocked up to secure a position ahead of her rival
      Darwinism on display.

    • One woman doesn’t represent the whole female population. Using your logic it means all men are like the Beetrooter.

  22. gotta hand it to this man though, good for him for pullin this off despite lookin like a beetroot man with a grill on the level of wrecked detroit neighbourhood.

    • So is he the Leviathan of old who used to post here, maybe not, the L poster here was a few roo short in the top paddock.

      • Definitely not.
        JB is a very serious novelist who takes publishers deadlines extremely seriously, and doesn’t have time for this sort of rubbish.

    • JB, you’ve done it again!

      …But even that egregious and head spinning instance of grotesque hypocrisy is not the rancid cherry on top of the shit sundae of this story.

      No, that would be Malcolm Turnbull insisting yesterday that there was nothing wrong with giving the Beetrooter’s pregnant office lover a high paying job when things got awkward, and then finding another, sweet, cushy gig when the second one fell through because, get this… she wasn’t actually his partner.

      She was pregnant, and they were living together. But she wasn’t his partner because…




      Allow me to assist you, Prime Minister. She wasn’t his partner because shuffling her from one ministerial staff job to another might be a breach of the rules.

      She wasn’t his partner because an ever-growing number of government ministers would be implicated in that possible breach.

      She wasn’t his partner because that would make it very difficult, not just for the Beetrooter to hold onto his job, but for you too, Prime Minister.

      And while all this is going on?

      Thousands and thousands of innocent, law-abiding punters are being swept up by the very same government’s robo-debt programs and threatened with criminal sanction if they don’t pay back money they never owed in the first place.

      It’s not often you get to see the raw, naked ugliness of the power imbalance between the masters and their serfs, but it’s out there for everyone to see this week.

      I just hesitate to file this column because I wonder what’s coming next.

      *slow clap*

      • Yeah I’m correct, taking his lead from here, and being paid by the word
        We say is more correctly, accurately and with less verbosity.
        good thing he doesn’t post here.

  23. Normally I’d be in favour of not publicising sordid details of MP’s relationships.

    HOWEVER, this particular MP campaigned to deny equal treatment under the law for certain groups because he felt it would destroy the sanctity of marriage. Rank hypocrisy and as he made such a big deal about how his morals govern his policy positions, then his lack of morals should be of public interest.

    You can’t have it both ways – campaign based on traditionalism and absolute morality while pissing all over those ideals in your private life.

  24. In my military days I spent time in the jungle between Vanimo and Wewak in PNG
    Along the coastal strip there, there were many aircraft shot down, both sides.
    Some were full of holes in non critical areas, some had holes into the engines or oil coolers
    very soon you learnt to distinguish which bullet impacts were survivable and those which were not, beyond repair.
    BJ has now taken enough hits to be beyond repair.
    Its off the the junk yard for him.
    BTW, war is not like in the movies, bullets go right through trees often multiple trees.
    50 cal goes through anything,
    Guys on both sides in those battles got hammered..

  25. adelaide_economist

    Looks like he’s as good as gone. Twitter is alive with an avalanche of career killing stuff the MSM has clearly been sitting on (even if you could read some of it for months now on independent media sites).

    Interested to know why the Murdoch press has suddenly decided to run with this stuff…

    • mild colonialMEMBER

      I had small thought: they thought, because she had been a newscorp journalist that they were safe. She thought News wouldn’t go after one of their own.